dear diary
Mood:  accident prone
Dear Diary,

I broke another thong today. Apparently, my gas more hazardous than I thought! I hope that hole in the couch wasn't caused by me! My gas actually attacks the fibers on a cellular level! I think Faded Glory needs to make a special fiber for my jeans. I'm considering naming my asshole. What do you think about Old Faithful? Maybe Black Hole since it reduces everything in its gravity field to a quantum singularity. Where did my pants just go? My ass always hungers for more. I need to go tame the beast; it is angry and I must appease it!

Love always,

Poop Shit Monster...ahh my hand...it burns!


P.S. pictures to come soon!